Wednesday, February 02, 2005


Hmm.. finding myself getting more cheerful these few days.. Dunno wat's in my mind that makes me feel kinda happy.. Esp when Im looking forward to each band prac.. haha..
Well.. actually I dunno wat Im thinking also.. Some weird weird feelings start to occur again bah.. Dunno is becoz after they told me he like me then I also start to like him? Hmm.. I hope not, like the feeling is not so muture.. But I seems to have abit of feelings for him b4 I knew he like me.. But the feelings is not so strong u see.. It's like I dun think we have chemistry, so it's juz a short period of admire? haha.. It's sth "special, yet not so realistic".. haha I dunno also, I can only say comparing the kind of feeling n chemistry between him n other guy frenz I have, it's abit different la.. Somemore he is not bad mah.. Character not so bad, music playing also not bad.. Overall, not bad lah.. haha.. Hmm.. but too bad, the guy aint initiating anything.. Haha wat can I expect.. Oh no.. Im getting abit crazy here.. But anyway.. Walk 1 step see 1 step loh.. Maybe I will try to get close to him? I dunno.. haha.. then slowly see wat will happen? Haha..

I seriously dunno the 'feelings' I have is true n muture or not.. For a period of time, I think being alone is better than anything else.. But recently Im feeling so down n lonely that I think I may really need a shoulder to lean on.. I dun mind being alone, but sometimes the loneliness is getting too much that I will feel life is juz so meaningless to me.. Frenz starts to reveal their true colours.. Some frenz juz come n goes in my life, I almost couldnt realise who is gd n who is bad.. He also made me realised that frenz aint everything, so try not to take frenz so seriously.. Hmm though I still will.. But well, Im trying to see life from another point of view.. I think that will be gd.. Angie says: "Meiying, U have changed..".. Seriously after seeing that sentence, I do some self reflection.. Indeed I have changed alot.. I dislike smoking in the past, but in the end, I learnt how to smoke.. I nv pick it up as a habit.. I treat it like drinking.. When Im down, sad, stress or maybe too happy, I might juz light 1 cig n start smoking away.. I try to deny that I smoke, but I think no point.. Rachel is rite.. She cant stop me, coz she knoe Im old enough to think for myself.. What's the point of stopping me when I had the thought of picking that up? haa.. Other that than, my thoughts, the way I treat my life n all, there seems to be a great change.. I do hope Im changing for the gd.. Though there r some bad points which I should not do but I had done.. But Im happy with wat Im doing now, except for sch.. Haha.. busy life with band, driving n music.. N most impt, entertainment with frenz.. Hope I had found my 'new' life.. And hope I will find 'the shoulder' who is willing to let me lean on.. =p

10:12 pm by *- icepiano