Sunday, November 16, 2008


I've been feeling rather disappointed with my friends.
I realised that there isn't much understanding between us.
not just through events that happened, but the fact that they also do not know my taste, habits, style, etc..

I know for myself that I do spent alot at times, but that doesn't mean anyone is in a position to comment or ask me to save.
I do not have a gd finance management and Im now trying to save up for myself, not for some unnecessary occasion celebration. but some ppl juz dun understand.
they think it's essential for such celebrations as it could bring all friends to gather together to show love and care.
but I differ, you dun need such occassions to show that, we dun have to do it during special occasions, but at any time you could juz show love and care to anyone you care.
yeah, it maybe a gd excuse to gather everyone up in such occasions since everyone's so busy. but it becomes an obligation instead of willingness.
not only that, organising part is already a chore. why bother?
dun have to wait for any initiatives and stuffs, becoz I believe in this, whoever wants to celebrate it organise it.
I rather not celebrate anything, really.
anyway how long can this go? 10 years down the road? so why make it compulsory?
it's reality becoz few years later, everyone will have their own partner and family.

becoz I dun earn money now, so Im very restricted in spending, though I still manage to enjoy myself with that amout I have. other than that, it's all mr bear's treats.
therefore it's really a chore for me to spend on occasions where gifts are needed. eg like xmas as it's really an occasion I dun celebrate at all. so dun make spend on gifts for that. not even mr bear that I will get a gift for.
but it really seems like they dun understand my difficulties and think that it's my duty to save up for such stuffs when you know that someone's bday may be approaching. there's no excuse for me to excuse myself from such contributions.

and of coz if you wan me to contribute and I had to, do I have a choice to reject? I obliged.
but pls do respect me and do the same to the occasion when it's my turn.
u dun celebrate 2 different occasions at the same time when they are 2 weeks apart. and it dun give you that stupid idea of having a better meal. (and do not 'ask' me to save up juz for the meal coz I rather not eat it)
I dun see that I received the same treatment compared to all. I dun like what I have gotten and it's really a big difference.
I can't figure out why but Im very unhappy and disappointed.
maybe if explanation can be given, I might understand better.

it becomes a chore for me to maintain this friendship really. becoz I feel unhappy at most of the times.
you say friends stand by you when you are sad, but it's family who is the one who never gives up on you.
dun compare friends and boyfriends together, becoz they are different identity.
it's a kind of instinct for anyone to want to spend more time for boyfriends/girlfriends.
and of coz I have this instinct so I prefer spending more time with mr bear than anyone else.
becoz he is not juz my boyfriend, but a soul mate, a helper, an adviser, a listening ear, a man who is willing to sacrifice everything for me.
I always have time for friends, it's only a matter whether I've been dated out by them. as long as Im free, I will meet up.

anyway I still have friends Im comfortable with.
comfortable as in no pressure in any ways, ppl who I can talk to and are on same frequency with me, share same interests and thoughts, sensitive to my feelings and emotions.
sometimes I thought it might be gd if they know how I feel, but I think maybe not.
coz in any ways, they will have their reasonings and concepts which will not go on par with me. so there's no ways things can be sorted out and understood.

5:20 am by *- icepiano